I AM HURTTTTTTT

Bugger off. and no I am not hurt,well maybe I am but I am not really bothered about being hurt OR getting hurt. It's just a part of me,inside me in fact IT IS me. I don't understand why people especially shitty vulnerable people always seems to think that people want to hurt them,well beside they're being vulnerable of course but the fact that these people always think that people want to hurt them really annoy me to the ultimate level. People like this, they make assumption about people that might seem to be a threat to them and then they conclude that those people is trying to hurt them. I don't know if I am making sense or not. Lets take an example of what happened to me recently. I had just "broke up" with a friend of mine because she THOUGHT that I lied to her and screwed her assignment while the lecturer's the one that actually lost her assignment. Well, it's a long story. What good would it be if i keep her assignment and lie? I really don't know. Yeah so she stopped talking to me,ignoring me and successfully made me feel like a trash. I didn't even know what is going on at that moment until I found out from one of our mutual friend. and so in return, she decided to retaliate and screwed my whole assignment for the whole semester. My point here is, she always assume the worse out of people, and always assume/though that people want to hurt her,people ENJOY to hurt her. From then on, I understood something about people like her. She'd been telling me about how her friends hurt her,taken her for granted and sort. Complained about her friends, and I was fooled by it. It was her that hurt herself. I don't know why people are so obsessed with being hurt and sabotaging themselves. Even if you were hurt, so what? You can't undo shit. It happened and just chill seriously. I'm hurt, you're hurt and newsflash for you,everyone is. Yet, some of us don't assume the worse in people just because you're fucking screwed up. Goodness.

funny yellow sponge

Siblings

Are siblings meant to be mean to each other? If you look carefully, in any family, there are hardly family/siblings that won't hurt each other intentionally or am I the only one who rarely do that. I'm not saying that I am holy. I hurt my family too,sometimes. But that was unintentional,most of the times. My sister thinks that she was hurt the most,that we(as in my brothers and I) hurt her too much and I believed her. I tried my hardest to be the good sister,supportive sister, whatever that she wanted me to be. I swear I tried my best but it seems that my best is never good enough for her. Is it who isn't being grateful for having a sister like her or I am just being bullied? I thought being supportive and being there for her would be good enough,being the good sister, get good grades. I think I've done it all. I think...but I don't feel happy as much. Nobody appreciate being yelled at.
Part of my heart is telling me that once I get out of this house then things will start looking up, the other half is telling me to not leave my family behind. I didn't mean to be selfish but they think that they were hurt but they've forgotten about me. Yet, I have never shown my emotion or my worries to them. Only god knows how disappointed I am with my family. I wish they'd treat each other nicely, appreciate one another and be happy. At times I really want to say this : I hate my family but I know I will regret saying it later. Either way, I'm not entitled to say anything. So I'm back to square one, they do stuff to me and I'll just be...me.What I've always been, quite and taking it all in. God I wish to get hell out of here.

Do you know how?

I wonder at times, how did I manage to go this far and stay fucking sane. After what I have gone through at such young age. What's with me?

New and more emo than ever

What's up?

I made this new blog with 2 purposes ; So that I can ponder on life and let other people ponder on it, and guide people with some situation that they are novel with. By writing this blog, I am not considering myself as Jesus or know it all. This is me speaking from my own experience of 20 years of life and going through maybe a lot more shits compare to other kids around my age. I don't want to mix emo posts with happy random posts from my previous blog so I made another blog just for emo and depressive posts. By emo I did not mean how crapy my day was or how bad I want to take cyanide. No.You'll see. I'll walk you through it. I notice that my thoughts might backfire me...soon,remember that this is just a thought and our liberty stated in the constitution. I am just a 20 years old confused kid that has a lot of questions about life and sometimes,I am just really confused of how are things supposed to work so I formed a lot of speculation and ideas but I have never written it down and remains in my mind. With this blod,I am able to share my thoughts and feelings with others and also help them with their crises or move on with their life.